First off, my apology to those who clicked on this blog in hopes of learning about a “51st shade of grey.” I have a point I want to raise about this subject, but I will not be graphic. I have few friends as it is and cannot afford to offend any.
My thought? It is my observation that we are accompanied by an active libido our entire lives.
That’s it. Bada boom boom, bada bing.
Why the big deal? Because this runs counter to our society’s narrative.
Through our movies, literature and music, we are told that there are approximately two decades of life where we should celebrate our sexual awakening and power. For the rest of our lives, apparently, we are suppposed to act as if our libido had disappeared. (Rock stars and those with arrested development are clearly allowed more latitude)
Somewhere around our early teens, so the story goes, we awaken from a life of innocence and move into a life of sexual experience. Our culture permits us to celebrate this personal transformation and enjoy it but only for a limited time.
Apparently, all of it comes to a crashing halt when we hit our thirties. It’s as if as a species we just move on to other interests. Really? WTF?
Clearly our culture is being less than forthright about what is really going on in our communities. The existence of a global pornography industry worth billions of dollars, literally millions of sex sites on the internet, sex therapists and lingerie shops, escort agencies, red light districts and strip clubs —all would suggest that sex is at the forefront of many people’s minds and for a much longer period than 20 years. It’s just that we are supposed to act like it isn’t.
And that’s the point I want to make. Young people everywhere need to move past their psychological gag reflex and accept that older people still like to get jiggy.
Let’s suppose that having sex were akin to eating a loaf of bread. I am not saying that octogenarians fantasize daily about consuming baguettes and fondling ciabatta buns. I am only saying that even at that age, their minds never stray too far from “the bakery.”
Everyone is hard wired in this way. In fact, our ability to feel desire seems to accompany us to the grave.
Let me leave you with two examples from my parental file.
My mom passed away after a lengthy battle with dementia. At age 87, shortly before she passed, she no longer recognized family members but one day, while we visited her in the nursing home, she confessed that a gentleman at the same nursing home wanted to marry her. As she spoke, her face seemed to blush like a schoolgirl’s at her first dance! To our horror, she then leaned in and whispered her plans to have the gentleman’s baby.
My father ended up in a nursing home as well and he lived to almost 100. One day I was visiting him and saw him flirting with a young nurse in a tightly clad uniform. His eyes lit up and —shockingly— he reached for the young lady while she strutted by. He was 98. Clearly he wasn’t dead, yet!
“Bottom” line. Young people assume that the rest of us are sexually retired after a glorious but short period of adulthood, but it just isn’t true.
Let’s call our ongoing sexuality just one of the many surprises that young people will encounter when they reach middle age.