Full disclosure: I find it irritating when a person claims that “everything in life happens for a reason.” That everything in life is part of an ongoing narrative designed to teach us and guide us towards what is wholesome and true. As if what happens to us and around us—while mystifying and perhaps dangerous in real time— were part of some perfect, elegant plan.
I find this notion troubling because it ignores what I have come to believe makes up the largest part of our lives. The part of our lives that can only be explained by chance, coincidence and randomness.
Does everything happen for a reason? Yes, if we are thinking of plain cause and effect. But does everything happen for our education, or for our present or eventual personal benefit?
I don’t believe it does. This narrative is false.
Personal experience over several decades has taught me that “romanticizing life” —while super enjoyable and entertaining in spots —has disastrous consequences in the long run. When I was younger I was convinced that there was only one perfect mate for each one of us. I thought it was Providence that led me to a location, a dream job or a special person. It was great fun to see myself as an important agent in the universe who had been picked for important and privileged tasks. And it was reassuring and a balm to my fear of the unknown to think that everything in life was under control. A benevolent cosmic authority was at work. All would become clear and make sense in due time.
I was wrong. I was hasty to assign design and intention to every facet of my life.
My defence? Youth and inexperience, of course, but also an alarming self-centredness. And a stubborn addiction to stories.
A quick look around the planet suggests that the vast majority of incidents transpire out of sheer randomness. At all turns we can witness people act irrationally. Stupid people are given fantastic opportunities to squander. Rich people are given more riches while others remain without. People start wars and hoard food to the detriment of millions. Millions die with unfulfilled dreams. Good people die young. Healthy people are stricken with cruel diseases. Cautious people are devastated by calamity. Most people go to their grave before gaining a deep understanding of their lives.
In addition, the planet itself is full of surprises. Weather patterns, geological catastrophes, the threat of animals attacking us, etc. are real and constant challenges.
I submit that we need to “wake up and smell the coffee.” There does not seem to be a benevolent cosmic authority who polices our playground to keep us safe and happy. To date, objective efforts to identify such an entity who could make sense of the daily madness we experience on planet earth have been futile.
Yet human beings still cling to narratives. Before stumbling into the more publicized addictions of substance abuse or deviant behaviour, people become slaves to stories they inherit and invent. Stories allure us with hope. They give us the illusion that life is linear. Some narratives promise salvation from hardship and they guarantee immortality.
I don’t blame others for falling into this addiction. I myself am a recovering romantic and refuse to cast stones. But I do ask that you look at the hard evidence and change tack. An authentic life will be your reward.
Stories are fun and they help us pass the time, but they can be as addictive as crack cocaine. They too can leave us heart-broken and irreparably damaged.