I have not written anything about the virus thus far because it is something I am still trying to process and respond to. To be brutally honest, I have yet to move away from the shock stage. It has been ten months since our world was thrown into chaos and uncertainty. It is boggling how our lives have changed so drastically in that time.
How am I doing? I am not sure. Grim statistics flood our T.V. screens but I am numb to them because almost all of it is happening “out there.” My fight or flight response is jumbled. In an instant I can respond to a crisis that is close to me, that affects my family. But it is difficult to respond to something that is far away and imminent simultaneously. It is exhausting to stay alert and guarded for an indeterminate amount of time.
To add to my confusion, with the exception of a new, generic anxiety that now accompanies my every move, my daily routine remains largely unchanged. I can shop for food and clothing, and I can walk my dog without restriction. When I get an idea to try a new recipe or do some handiwork around the house, I am free to look for items all over town. I wear a mask when I go into retail outlets or places of business and I constantly wash my hands with soap. Nothing heroic about that. Truth be told, my OCD has responded favourably to the new routines suggested by health authorities.
On the job front, however, it is a case of humble pie. My job as a caricaturist has virtually vanished with the cancellation of events and the banning of large gatherings. Wedding parties, trade shows, etc. —all manner of social functions have been cancelled and may take a long time to return. I do some work online but the great bulk of my income comes from drawing live at parties. If it weren’t for government help, I would be in trouble indeed.
The lack of social interaction bothers me as well. Prior to the outbreak of the virus I had struck a good balance between drawing in my basement and drawing at events throughout the Interior. Because I see myself as both an introvert and a people person, it is important for me to have predictable social interaction. These days I am stuck at home and drawing in increasingly irritating solitude.
Sometimes I am depressed from the additional screen time in my life. I bounce from my computer to my T.V. to Netflix and back again. Frustration sets in when nothing appeals on any device.
When I think of my community, I feel sorry for the elderly who are coping with this virus in the company of health professionals, away from their loved ones. I am also sad for our youth who are restricted to either work or to studying mostly academics. Deprived of playing sports in the various community leagues and unable to attend social gatherings, they have no chance to burn off energy and grow with their peers. When I used to teach high school I would meet young people who were restless. For them especially, extra-curricular activities of all types were a literal godsend.
Bottom line? I am coping all right for the time being. I know this is a marathon and not a sprint. I thank all health care professionals who are braving the front lines on our behalf. I also wish everyone a safe and happy holiday among their loved ones….and bring on the vaccine!