Like so many of my friends, I am also the proud owner of a dog. And yes, I do regard him as a precious companion. But the reasons for loving my dog the way I do may surprise you.
Allow me to summarize my dog’s actual character traits and behaviours.
To start, he is not cute and cuddly. While genetically blessed to make young girls, young boys and middle-aged women sigh with delight (he is part Cairn Terrier and part Yorky), he is far from lovely. He growls at everyone on the street and will assault guests inside my home. His MO is to look approachable and then lunge forward to bite you. A real charmer.
He is also not particularly loyal. If he gets wind that an immediate treat is not forthcoming, he will ignore me without remorse. A master manipulator, my pooch can create more guilt than my Italian grandmother.
He eats home cooked dog meals and is walked 4 times a day. His daily naps are on average 60 minutes in length and he takes these on any one of his 4 beds around the house. Between meals he expects to find hidden treats throughout our home. Can we say sense of entitlement?
Yet in spite of the royal treatment he receives, he remains deeply insecure. If I should leave the house for more than 5 minutes, he howls like a narc at a hells angel party. (No doubt our neighbours suspect I beat him on a regular basis.) He seems to need the kind of desperate reassurance I longed for when I attended junior high.
Further, he seems to have a death wish. When out on our walks, he wants to scrap with dogs twice his size. He will lunge into oncoming traffic when possessed by a mysterious whim. I spend considerable time each day protecting this dog from his suicidal tendencies.
And his bedside manner? He will reject me in seconds flat if he catches a whiff of an appealing scent or hears a mysterious sound. He will urinate on anything mildly intriguing or objectionable. For mere amusement, he passes wind on unsuspecting citizens and bullies other animals in the neighbourhood.
Turth be told, I think this dog is holding me and my family hostage.
There is no question that if he were human, my dog would soon do hard time. Society would not tolerate his erratic and self-absorbed behaviour for very long.
So why do I put up with this alien creature from outer space?
Because he’s the most intriguing person I have ever met. His personality and character flaws make him utterly fascinating to me.
Mostly, however, I envy his freedom from decorum and anything else that would enslave him. I love him because he does not apologize for being himself.
I even admire him because he is more honourable than me. I fret about public opinion, but he does not strive to hide his weaknesses and shortcomings from others.
Will I be devastated when he passes?
And then some.
Quite frankly, he’s the most decent human being I know.